Are You A Good Enough Friend?

When you think of the word friend, you automatically think of the person or people who you like the most. Well, my friend, that may not be the most rational thought. What is a true friend and do you really have one?

A good friend is someone who you’ve known for years. This is because you have shared some sort of breakthrough with them. A good friend is someone who has seen you cry at your most joyous moment. A good friend celebrated with you by joining in on your tears. A good friend knows when you are struggling and can see right through your hurt and your lies. A good friend will stop what they are doing  and pick up the phone and call you just to say nothing. A good friend will make you break down in tears when you think about all that they have done for you.

That girl/guy may be your turn up friend. That’s the friend you call when you’re trying to get the hook up. That’s the friend you call when you need a favor. That’s the friend you call when you want to gossip about someone else. But is that the friend that is good enough for you?

We throw around the word “Friend” so loosely that we lose sight of what it really means. You should never feel uncomfortable in front of your friend about anything especially if they are good enough for you. You should have a friend that you can drink a glass of wine with and completely breakdown with to get the heavy burden off of your shoulders. You should have the friend that makes you question whether you are good enough to them because of their kind spirit and gentle heart. You should be the friend that reciprocates the love and joy for the accomplishments that they have reached.

Know the truth about who you allow in your space. Know the truth about who is considered your friend. Know if they are a good enough friend for you. When you come to know these things then you should be a better enough friend.

The Power of “NO”

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When one uses the word no, a barrage of insults are spewed their way. When the word no floats into the air from a mouth used to spit treachery, it’s backed with hurt. When the word no lingers throughout your mind and navigates it’s way to your heart, you are short of breath. That is simply because this two lettered word holds more power than you think.

In the words of one Dr. Maya Angelou, “You, yourself are enough”. In this day and age, millennials are faced with something greater than danger; self doubt. You question yourself everyday as to whether you made the right decision. You secretly stifle your morals and values to simply fit in. You outcast your family because they don’t love you how you need to be loved. You command yourself to participate in everything with an attachment to service. You feel that you won’t be blessed until you have done a service to more than one. You are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself.

Breathe! Move! Stop! Go! Laugh! Cry! Meditate! You have to find your own way down a path that was created just for you. If you bring someone else down your path, will their directions lead you to your destination?

It is OK to say no in valor of yourself. You have the right to choose to do what makes your heart sing. You need peace to connect to yourself spiritually. You can choose to practice your spirituality however and whenever you want. What is for you is for you!

Be confident in your “NO” and stand firm in it’s belief. Your “NO” is just for you and your path. When you are alone and you begin to doubt that you are talented or beautiful or intelligent; make your “NO” loud and boisterous so that even you scare yourself.

It feels great to say no because I feel that I am living in my own purpose. When you say no, you are saying yes to peace.

Young Black Women and the Power Complex

Your alarm clock goes off at 6 am, as you roll over and smash the snooze button. You look at the ceiling as you whisper, “Fuck that job”. You get up anyway and get ready for a good day’s work. When you arrive to work, it’s generally a good morning especially since you’ve had a good cup of brew.

In walks Donna, your supervisor, who happens to be a black woman! NO good morning, no how’s everybody doing, and definitely no noticing that other people exist. That’s when you know what kind of day it’s going to be.

You’re sitting at your desk, doing actual work, and you get called into the supervisor’s office. For what? No clear answer!

Personally, I have noticed a few differences about working with black women who have positions of higher authority in the workplace. Black women ages 25-40 are moving upwards in their companies ranking. The positions of supervisor, director, manager or coordinator are an automatic ego boost and they use these positions to garner control over their employee’s. You can voice a concern but it is overlooked because you are less than 30 and apparently oblivious to all things sensible. If you are very outspoken or personable, then you become a target. You are singled out all the time and micromanagement ensues and literally brings you to your boiling point.

Younger black women seem to think that everything at work is a competition. From the clothes they wear to their hairstyles, it is no longer about work but rather, do I look better than her? If you are secure in yourself and your supervisor is not, it becomes a personal issue. You don’t understand why you are being bullied or harassed by your supervisor but you keep hearing rumors. “Donna is mad that the new girl came in and all the attention is on her now. Donna told Tiffany that the new girl was sleeping with Chris”. You learn that your supervisor has been trying to get with Chris for a year and you come in and grab his attention in 3 months. Apparently, holding conversation with a male co-worker means that you are screwing him. Are you supposed to be less personable to please your supervisor? I THINK NOT!

It is no longer an issue of work but becomes a personal issue. Young black women hate to admit it but they have a jealousy complex with their counterpart. You are automatically profiled and put into a box. It becomes an issue of jealousy from the start. If you have a beaming personality but your manager has self-esteem issues, you will suffer. Seemingly, you can’t be the new girl at work that everyone gets along with. That’s a blow to your manager’s self-esteem and her level of jealousy rises.

Do you know Miss Petty who lives on Shade Lane? Every other Friday, there is a mandatory staff meeting. This meeting addresses rules at work, better managing your workload, and rumors. The supervisor is addressing rumors but never uses a specific name. You feel as if she is talking about you. What happens when the outspoken new girl raises her hand to address the rumor with her supervisor? The meeting is suddenly adjourned and the pettiness begins. You have been subjected to supervisions, written up for being disrespectful and have been issued a new set of work rules, all within a week. Your other co-workers have no clue about supervisions and that’s when you figure out

that it’s just you. You have to check in twice a day, you have been told to move your desk, and you are no longer allowed to converse with male employees. Where in the handbook are these specific rules because I did not see them?

These kinds of issues carry over into your personal life because it lingers throughout your daily thoughts. It becomes a challenge trying to separate work from your personal life. Every day, you find yourself coming home to a nice big glass of wine. You consult with your friends and learn that you are in fact the target.

No person wants to deal with this every work day. It’s stressful, overwhelming and becomes the deciding factor in only wanting to work with a specific race of women. It is not just the one experience but becomes another to add to the list.

This is not to say that all young black women behave this way in the workplace but rather to focus on the issue of those that do. What is the real issue?

7 Simple Ways to Date Your Mate Without Breaking Your Pockets

The Third Truth

Dating has become a foreign policy, almost. You have to form peace treaties and come to an agreement and an assorted list of other things. There are always factors preventing you from simply showing your mate that you care. Millennials are so focused on material things and looks that they forget how to date. They forget how to simplify a relationship and make things less complicated.

Girls don’t want much and guys require even less. So, why is dating extremely complicated? A girl want’s to feel appreciated and a guy wants to feel needed. Here are seven simple ways to date your mate while spending little to no money at all.

  1. Have a picnic at the beach! (Make a sandwich and bring some fruit and wine)
  2. Netflix and Chill! (Order a pizza and break out the beer)
  3. Groupon any and everything! (This is a no-brainer)
  4. Ice Cream and things! (Get…

View original post 123 more words

7 Simple Ways to Date Your Mate Without Breaking Your Pockets

Dating has become a foreign policy, almost. You have to form peace treaties and come to an agreement and an assorted list of other things. There are always factors preventing you from simply showing your mate that you care. Millennials are so focused on material things and looks that they forget how to date. They forget how to simplify a relationship and make things less complicated.

Girls don’t want much and guys require even less. So, why is dating extremely complicated? A girl want’s to feel appreciated and a guy wants to feel needed. Here are seven simple ways to date your mate while spending little to no money at all.

  1. Have a picnic at the beach! (Make a sandwich and bring some fruit and wine)
  2. Netflix and Chill! (Order a pizza and break out the beer)
  3. Groupon any and everything! (This is a no-brainer)
  4. Ice Cream and things! (Get a scoop and window shop in your favorite part of town)
  5. Be a good sport! (Hit the park and play both of your favorite sports)
  6. Tour your town! (Hop on the train and sight see through your city)
  7. Game night! (A board game, a few drinks and it’s light out)

The are dating ideas that are beneficial for the guy and the girl. Hopefully everyone is satisfied and you don’t even have to break your pockets. Be creative and think outside of the box. Think about whether you’re bringing your last relationship into your new one. If you are, think about if you’re exuding the same behavior. Be aware of these things and remember that everyone is different and so is every relationship.

Five Reasons You Should Buy Fantasia’s New Album

As you all know, The Queen of Slayage, Fantasia herself, has a new album hitting the shelves. “The Definition of” hits stores on July 29, 2016 and the album tells the story of love, loss, pain and blessings. This album has everything that you would need to go forward with life. You know when you have to switch to another album to hear one specific song; well all of those songs are on this album.

Here are the top five reasons why you should buy Fantasia’s new album:

  1. On your way to work, you will catch the holy ghost.
  2. You will throw your phone at your other phone because she sounds so damn good
  3. You get an all-in-one album (Soul, R&B, Gospel, Hip Hop)
  4. This album will have you all the way in the back of your feelings
  5. Simply because it’s FANTASIA

If you’re a true Fantasia fan then you know how important her music is and you always get a good album. This time, we get a mature Fantasia who speaks to the soul and grabs your edges while doing so. Go out and buy the album, download it from Itunes or Google Play Store. Just please support this incredible artist now known as the Queen of Slayage. 

 

Why Your Relationship Sucks but You Won’t Admit It

Apparently, true love no longer exist but rather something as simple as “Relationship goals”. No longer are the days of wowing your spouse with your personality and genuine heart. It has now resulted to great looking pictures that gives off the image of a perfect relationship. SAVE THAT BULL FOR SOMEONE ELSE!

Images can prove to be false and so is many of today’s relationships. Here are a few reason’s why your relationship sucks but you won’t admit it.

  1. Your boyfriend has no money but he always looks good.
  2. Your girlfriend has one too many kids.
  3. You look good in pictures but secretly want to break up
  4. There is only one bread winner in the relationship and you’re tired of paying for everything.
  5. There is only one car in the relationship and only you pay the damn car note.
  6. Your spouse has not taken you out on a real date in three months.
  7. You really can’t deal with the baby mama/daddy issues although you thought you could.
  8. His/Her lack of stability has turned you completely off.
  9. You’re pretty much celibate in your relationship because you would rather have sex with someone else.

Anything here sound way to familiar for your own good? The big question is “Why won’t you admit it”. The answer is very simple. It’s because you have not admitted it out loud. Of course you don’t want others to judge you and think your picture perfect relationship is not…..perfect. Really! You told yourself that you had grown and you would not be petty and give him/her a real chance. Bump that! Chance up! I’m tired! I quit! How long is this going to take? Why don’t you have a real job yet? Do I have to pay for our next date?

People often say dating is hard. I say being with someone who you “Love” but can do nothing for you is much harder. You tell me if I’m wrong.

Can Men and Women Be Friends?

They can but I think for the true friendships there is still a hidden physical attraction. People just respect their friendships too much to go there.

The Third Truth

Often times, a conversation on this topic escalates into a full fledged argument. Can men and women be friends? There are a million different answers to this question but what is the real truth? Men and women can be circmstancial friends! I would more than likely check the “Other” box.

Looking througout my little black book of male friends, I have realized that I don’t really have any that have not resorted to some kind of sexual situation. Whether it was a friend that I kissed, or someone who professed his like for me, or someone that I have actually had sex with; the male friendship for me has not particullary worked out.

Is there a difference if you have gay male friends? Some would argue that there is because “Gay men are not attracted to women” so that makes the friendship real. That’s not my opinion but the opinion…

View original post 91 more words

Can Men and Women Be Friends?

Often times, a conversation on this topic escalates into a full fledged argument. Can men and women be friends? There are a million different answers to this question but what is the real truth? Men and women can be circmstancial friends! I would more than likely check the “Other” box.

Looking througout my little black book of male friends, I have realized that I don’t really have any that have not resorted to some kind of sexual situation. Whether it was a friend that I kissed, or someone who professed his like for me, or someone that I have actually had sex with; the male friendship for me has not particullary worked out.

Is there a difference if you have gay male friends? Some would argue that there is because “Gay men are not attracted to women” so that makes the friendship real. That’s not my opinion but the opinion of real life people.

What makes a friendship real? 

For those of you who do have great male/female friendships, are you or have you ever been sexually attracted to your friend? Women will go to their graves before they admit to being sexually attracted to their male friends. It’s a ton of “That’s my brother” and “I grew up with him”. I don’t know the male perspective but I’m pretty sure I can figure out what it is.

All in all, the question still remains. Comment below and explain your rationale.

 

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