He’s White And I Still Like Him

Interracial dating! That term has been known to scare a person without any fears. I simply don’t understand why. Dating is dating and loving someone is loving someone. Whether they are black, white, Asian or Arab; love is love and I love me some men.

So, why do people get so riled up about interracial dating? In the black culture, the black women often exercises her opinion of frustration and disappointment in black men dating white women. She often confides in her other girlfriends who coincidentally holds the same opinion as she does. What if this same woman finds herself a white man and falls madly in love? What does she do with him when she is around her friends.

A man is a man, no matter the color of his skin. He will make mistakes and say stupid things that makes your skin crawl. He will forget your big day and some of your greatest accomplishments. He might even forget to pick your daughter/son up from school. Point being: The conscience of a man does not differ based on the color of his skin. He will go on as any other man will.

Is there a stigma in the black community of black women dating white men? I’ve heard and read things such as, “She ain’t nothing but a gold digger”, “that’s a waste of melanin”, “Who she supposed to be” and “That ain’t gone last at all”. Why does one person’s love life bother you so much that you wish them nothing but the worst? Now, I would feel differently if it was a black woman who said she preferred white men. That would be something to really dig deep into.

It’s not a preference for many! It is simply acting on love! It is feeling the knot in the pit of your stomach and consciously deciding to untie it. The way my love life is set up: Any man with stability and dependability can come all the way over here.

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He Cheated and I Saw Him

Friends! How many of us have them? That is the question that has been asked for over 20 years but no one has seemed to find a conclusive answer. When you have real friends, do you even know that they are your REAL friends. We are all waiting for the real answer but most importantly, the big question.

Picture this: You’re at a concert with a friend and the both of you are talking and laughing hysterically. One friend peeps something odd and grabs your arm tightly. You peep what the friend see’s and the both of you grab each other while simultaneously clutching your pearls. You saw it and you know you saw it because you could not have seen anything else.

You saw your mutual friend’s man walking past with another woman on his arm. You saw him caress the smalls of her back while staring you in the face. You saw him immediately put his head down and stare at the ground as he realized who you were. YOU SAW HIM! You saw him without your friend.

As true and real friends, you deliberate on whether to call up your girl and tell her what you saw. One person has been chosen to do the dirty deed. You decide to text because a phone conversation seems to scare you a little. You tell your friend about her cheating boyfriend and you describe the scenario from top to bottom.

You expect to be the shoulder that will be needed for comfort and instead you get “What was he wearing and what color were his shoes”. Bitch, I made a conscious decision to inform you about this no count dude and all you can ask about is the color of his shoes.

The boyfriend denies that it was ever him and the friend believes him. Once again, they are Facebook happy and all in love and shit. You are extremely livid, not because she took him back but simply because you are the most genuine and honest friend that she has and she called you a LIAR.

Question being: If you saw your friend’s spouse clearly cheating, would you tell your friend?

Dating In Chicago

As a young and single African-American woman, dating should be fun and easy. Instead, it is an excruciating job interview that is going terribly wrong. You want to give up midway through and block that person from any and all contact with you. So, let’s talk about why dating is so difficult in this city.

In the city of Chicago, I often find myself gathering information on people who I don’t even know. I know about other relationships and cheating scandals, affairs, failed marriages and one night stands. These same men and women who are part of these scandals are the one’s who you usually end up on a date with.

After I graduated from college and started working towards my M.B.A., I really began dating again. I was made out to seem stuck up and too independent because I had these things going for myself. I simply ask a guy what is his occupation and who does he live with and here comes the lies and the insecurities. I should not be made out to feel like I’m asking too much of you. I definitely don’t do guys with major insecurities.

Dating in this city is difficult because the only guys available are left over baby daddies and cheating husbands. These men usually don’t have any idea of what stability looks like and has very little to offer in a relationship. Here are a list of problems that a young single woman here might incur when dating a city guy:

  • Lives with his mother/baby’s mother/Grandma
  • Has  multiple children
  • Does not have a valid license
  • Wants to borrow your car
  • Does not have a car
  • Does not know what it means to date you
  • Usually needs to borrow money from you
  • Not Educated
  • Wants to move in with you

This list can go on and on but I’d prefer not to bash them any more than what I already have. So, because I think that as a 28-35 year old man, you should have your own place, job, car, and money; I’m the problem and I’m being unrealistic. At this point, I’d rather date someone’s grandfather.

Dating up north versus down south is completely different and I’ve noticed so. In the south, a good majority of the men are respectful and chivalrous. They are stable, financially and mentally, and most are ready to settle down and start a family. I’m stuck with the guy who started a family and couldn’t stop.

I don’t know what’s in the water here in Chicago but I really need the Mayor or Governor to filter that shit. I just want to go on a nice and simple date with a MAN who has his shit together.

Dear Man Who Has His Shit Together,

Where are you and can you please meet me somewhere.

Are You A Good Enough Friend?

When you think of the word friend, you automatically think of the person or people who you like the most. Well, my friend, that may not be the most rational thought. What is a true friend and do you really have one?

A good friend is someone who you’ve known for years. This is because you have shared some sort of breakthrough with them. A good friend is someone who has seen you cry at your most joyous moment. A good friend celebrated with you by joining in on your tears. A good friend knows when you are struggling and can see right through your hurt and your lies. A good friend will stop what they are doing  and pick up the phone and call you just to say nothing. A good friend will make you break down in tears when you think about all that they have done for you.

That girl/guy may be your turn up friend. That’s the friend you call when you’re trying to get the hook up. That’s the friend you call when you need a favor. That’s the friend you call when you want to gossip about someone else. But is that the friend that is good enough for you?

We throw around the word “Friend” so loosely that we lose sight of what it really means. You should never feel uncomfortable in front of your friend about anything especially if they are good enough for you. You should have a friend that you can drink a glass of wine with and completely breakdown with to get the heavy burden off of your shoulders. You should have the friend that makes you question whether you are good enough to them because of their kind spirit and gentle heart. You should be the friend that reciprocates the love and joy for the accomplishments that they have reached.

Know the truth about who you allow in your space. Know the truth about who is considered your friend. Know if they are a good enough friend for you. When you come to know these things then you should be a better enough friend.

The Power of “NO”

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When one uses the word no, a barrage of insults are spewed their way. When the word no floats into the air from a mouth used to spit treachery, it’s backed with hurt. When the word no lingers throughout your mind and navigates it’s way to your heart, you are short of breath. That is simply because this two lettered word holds more power than you think.

In the words of one Dr. Maya Angelou, “You, yourself are enough”. In this day and age, millennials are faced with something greater than danger; self doubt. You question yourself everyday as to whether you made the right decision. You secretly stifle your morals and values to simply fit in. You outcast your family because they don’t love you how you need to be loved. You command yourself to participate in everything with an attachment to service. You feel that you won’t be blessed until you have done a service to more than one. You are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself.

Breathe! Move! Stop! Go! Laugh! Cry! Meditate! You have to find your own way down a path that was created just for you. If you bring someone else down your path, will their directions lead you to your destination?

It is OK to say no in valor of yourself. You have the right to choose to do what makes your heart sing. You need peace to connect to yourself spiritually. You can choose to practice your spirituality however and whenever you want. What is for you is for you!

Be confident in your “NO” and stand firm in it’s belief. Your “NO” is just for you and your path. When you are alone and you begin to doubt that you are talented or beautiful or intelligent; make your “NO” loud and boisterous so that even you scare yourself.

It feels great to say no because I feel that I am living in my own purpose. When you say no, you are saying yes to peace.

Young Black Women and the Power Complex

Your alarm clock goes off at 6 am, as you roll over and smash the snooze button. You look at the ceiling as you whisper, “Fuck that job”. You get up anyway and get ready for a good day’s work. When you arrive to work, it’s generally a good morning especially since you’ve had a good cup of brew.

In walks Donna, your supervisor, who happens to be a black woman! NO good morning, no how’s everybody doing, and definitely no noticing that other people exist. That’s when you know what kind of day it’s going to be.

You’re sitting at your desk, doing actual work, and you get called into the supervisor’s office. For what? No clear answer!

Personally, I have noticed a few differences about working with black women who have positions of higher authority in the workplace. Black women ages 25-40 are moving upwards in their companies ranking. The positions of supervisor, director, manager or coordinator are an automatic ego boost and they use these positions to garner control over their employee’s. You can voice a concern but it is overlooked because you are less than 30 and apparently oblivious to all things sensible. If you are very outspoken or personable, then you become a target. You are singled out all the time and micromanagement ensues and literally brings you to your boiling point.

Younger black women seem to think that everything at work is a competition. From the clothes they wear to their hairstyles, it is no longer about work but rather, do I look better than her? If you are secure in yourself and your supervisor is not, it becomes a personal issue. You don’t understand why you are being bullied or harassed by your supervisor but you keep hearing rumors. “Donna is mad that the new girl came in and all the attention is on her now. Donna told Tiffany that the new girl was sleeping with Chris”. You learn that your supervisor has been trying to get with Chris for a year and you come in and grab his attention in 3 months. Apparently, holding conversation with a male co-worker means that you are screwing him. Are you supposed to be less personable to please your supervisor? I THINK NOT!

It is no longer an issue of work but becomes a personal issue. Young black women hate to admit it but they have a jealousy complex with their counterpart. You are automatically profiled and put into a box. It becomes an issue of jealousy from the start. If you have a beaming personality but your manager has self-esteem issues, you will suffer. Seemingly, you can’t be the new girl at work that everyone gets along with. That’s a blow to your manager’s self-esteem and her level of jealousy rises.

Do you know Miss Petty who lives on Shade Lane? Every other Friday, there is a mandatory staff meeting. This meeting addresses rules at work, better managing your workload, and rumors. The supervisor is addressing rumors but never uses a specific name. You feel as if she is talking about you. What happens when the outspoken new girl raises her hand to address the rumor with her supervisor? The meeting is suddenly adjourned and the pettiness begins. You have been subjected to supervisions, written up for being disrespectful and have been issued a new set of work rules, all within a week. Your other co-workers have no clue about supervisions and that’s when you figure out

that it’s just you. You have to check in twice a day, you have been told to move your desk, and you are no longer allowed to converse with male employees. Where in the handbook are these specific rules because I did not see them?

These kinds of issues carry over into your personal life because it lingers throughout your daily thoughts. It becomes a challenge trying to separate work from your personal life. Every day, you find yourself coming home to a nice big glass of wine. You consult with your friends and learn that you are in fact the target.

No person wants to deal with this every work day. It’s stressful, overwhelming and becomes the deciding factor in only wanting to work with a specific race of women. It is not just the one experience but becomes another to add to the list.

This is not to say that all young black women behave this way in the workplace but rather to focus on the issue of those that do. What is the real issue?

7 Simple Ways to Date Your Mate Without Breaking Your Pockets

The Third Truth

Dating has become a foreign policy, almost. You have to form peace treaties and come to an agreement and an assorted list of other things. There are always factors preventing you from simply showing your mate that you care. Millennials are so focused on material things and looks that they forget how to date. They forget how to simplify a relationship and make things less complicated.

Girls don’t want much and guys require even less. So, why is dating extremely complicated? A girl want’s to feel appreciated and a guy wants to feel needed. Here are seven simple ways to date your mate while spending little to no money at all.

  1. Have a picnic at the beach! (Make a sandwich and bring some fruit and wine)
  2. Netflix and Chill! (Order a pizza and break out the beer)
  3. Groupon any and everything! (This is a no-brainer)
  4. Ice Cream and things! (Get…

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7 Simple Ways to Date Your Mate Without Breaking Your Pockets

Dating has become a foreign policy, almost. You have to form peace treaties and come to an agreement and an assorted list of other things. There are always factors preventing you from simply showing your mate that you care. Millennials are so focused on material things and looks that they forget how to date. They forget how to simplify a relationship and make things less complicated.

Girls don’t want much and guys require even less. So, why is dating extremely complicated? A girl want’s to feel appreciated and a guy wants to feel needed. Here are seven simple ways to date your mate while spending little to no money at all.

  1. Have a picnic at the beach! (Make a sandwich and bring some fruit and wine)
  2. Netflix and Chill! (Order a pizza and break out the beer)
  3. Groupon any and everything! (This is a no-brainer)
  4. Ice Cream and things! (Get a scoop and window shop in your favorite part of town)
  5. Be a good sport! (Hit the park and play both of your favorite sports)
  6. Tour your town! (Hop on the train and sight see through your city)
  7. Game night! (A board game, a few drinks and it’s light out)

The are dating ideas that are beneficial for the guy and the girl. Hopefully everyone is satisfied and you don’t even have to break your pockets. Be creative and think outside of the box. Think about whether you’re bringing your last relationship into your new one. If you are, think about if you’re exuding the same behavior. Be aware of these things and remember that everyone is different and so is every relationship.

Five Reasons You Should Buy Fantasia’s New Album

As you all know, The Queen of Slayage, Fantasia herself, has a new album hitting the shelves. “The Definition of” hits stores on July 29, 2016 and the album tells the story of love, loss, pain and blessings. This album has everything that you would need to go forward with life. You know when you have to switch to another album to hear one specific song; well all of those songs are on this album.

Here are the top five reasons why you should buy Fantasia’s new album:

  1. On your way to work, you will catch the holy ghost.
  2. You will throw your phone at your other phone because she sounds so damn good
  3. You get an all-in-one album (Soul, R&B, Gospel, Hip Hop)
  4. This album will have you all the way in the back of your feelings
  5. Simply because it’s FANTASIA

If you’re a true Fantasia fan then you know how important her music is and you always get a good album. This time, we get a mature Fantasia who speaks to the soul and grabs your edges while doing so. Go out and buy the album, download it from Itunes or Google Play Store. Just please support this incredible artist now known as the Queen of Slayage. 

 

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